Letter to the Editor: Am I Random?

Dear Editor,

I hate Dr. Pepper cans. Do you like them? I hate them. I hate them because they are red, but I like the color purple. I beg you to please turn Dr. Pepper cans to purple because I promise it will work better. If you don’t then I will have to paint my cans purple. Now, you really don’t want me to do all that work, do you? Make the Dr. Pepper cans purple.

I read a fortune teller this morning. It says that you could become very unfortunate. Dr. Pepper people, what do you suppose this means? Maybe I’ll die in three seconds! Let’s see...3, 2, 1, nope! I’m still alive! Maybe Dr. Pepper will be gone. Let’s see...hold on. Okay, my Dr. Pepper is still at my desk! Do you seek any meaning in the fortune teller?

Sometimes I get annoyed with the song The Wheels On the Bus. Do you ever get annoyed with it? I don’t like the middle part. Then again, sometimes I like the song.

I hate things like open parentheses (like this). Well, sorry that I made it closed parentheses but after seeing the open parentheses for that long I got scared of it and needed to close it. I also hate things like women spelled like women. Well, it was spelled the scary way, but then I had to change it because I got scared again.

Do you think I’m random? A lot of my friends say I’m random. Am I? I wonder...

Monkeys rock! You know, I wish they weren’t so brown. What if monkeys were purple, pink, or blue? What a funny sight that would be!!

Lastly, Dr. Pepper people, I hate the ring of the telephone. They have ring tones on cell phones, so why can’t they have ring tones on normal phones instead of just cell phones? Are phones bad? Do people like the traditional ring? I don’t.

This is pointless. This is bad. This whole letter is fraud. This whole letter is mean. This whole letter is asking for only one thing.

Please, Dr. Pepper people, please. Make the world collapse.

Signed,
Your Dear Friend,
A great pal,
A Dr. Pepper lover and fan,
A crazy cat,
A dude,
Me