Good Bye (Jingle Bells)

This is a song I wrote for my pen pals when I had to go. Happy holidays!

You guys I have to go
It was fun chatting today
And you might be like NOO
But I'll come back to say

I love you guys so much
You make me feel so great
You have the magic touch
I'll be back not late

Check your Dells, check your Dells
Email's on the way
I'll come back to chat with you
And you chat back, say hey!

Pure Happiness

Tingles and shivers in my body
Bubbles of excitement pop and just make more
Crawling spiders carry energy all over me
Half of me wants to drive the feeling out
And the other half wants to leave it there pulsing
For the sake of time, the second half wins

I count down the hours and the minutes
Not able to concentrate on anything but my excitement
Everything is so slow and I'm in auto-pilot
Why can't I just get a jump-start and transition like in the movies?

At last I'm down to the last few seconds
Three, two, one and the curtain of waiting peals back to reveal pure joy
My horse is standing there ready to ride
I climb on and everything in me explodes
I'm riding without a worry or care
I'm free

The breeze flows through my hair
It's as if the rain is cleaning out my human soul
And pouring in thoughts of peace and love that no one else seems to ever think
Right here and now I'm here to love with open arms and to be happy despite anything
To giggle away my anger and to ride my heart out

I think to myself, this is what I've been waiting for
I realize that this is better than anything else
Any material item, any dumb hot guy, any of soceity's idols
This is what keeps me alive

Riding my horse feels amazing
I'm unstoppable and uncontrollable
I question if, with my pure joy and wonder, if I'm even part of the human race
Why oh why can't this last forever?

Stupidity

It's stupidity that makes us dependent
On food and on water and all that darn electricity
On people to help and people to lean on
Just plain luxury makes up our artificial world
And what's going to happen when it all collapses?

It's stupidity that makes us gullable
To the government, to religion, to supposed superiors
To all the certain facts you learn in school
We just assume and let our minds play tricks on us
And what's going to happen when the apple floats upward?

It's stupidity that makes us look from the outside
At people, at fiction, at the whole wide world
At all the little situations that happen
We try to make everything black and white
And what's going to happen when we find our soulmates?

It's stupidity that makes us monsters
To the planet, to the world
Destroying everything with whatever
Why do anything if you're going to lose it all?

Oops

Stars are falling, the sun is dying, the world is so darn collapsing
And just three minutes ago was the age of humans, just three minutes ago I was laughing
How can four billion years go by just like that, how can I not even be here
When the world was just spinning and we were just waiting for school to be out
Am I the only one caught in a moment, and I the only one who just looked up?
Or is it too darn late to find the answer?

That Other Girl

Standing there crying
Against the mirror
Jealous of an image
And her precious face
She's me all over
She's me on the inside
Yet I'm that other girl
I'm that other backwards girl
Staring from the outside
Oh, I'm that backwards girl
Who's staring from the outside

Look at her with an evil laugh
Look at her who's tough hard core
Look at the girl who's coming through
She's me all over
I'm that girl who's crying hard
I'm that girl who's throwing up
And I'm that girl who can't stand anything
That other backwards girl
Staring from the outside

My mirror reflection has got it all
Standing there and grinning broad
She's the girl obsessed with static
Dissecting decorative starfish bought at the beach
She's standing there; the electrode in her hand
She's me all over
I can barely press the clear on my calculator
I'm that other girl
That other backwards girl
Staring from the outside

Why oh why does it have to be her
Can't thought and light join?
That's her job to figure out
But she's too lazy
It's happening now and I'm feeling all dry
We take too much for granted
Yet we can't really help it
Why does it have to be my mirror reflection
Cuz I'm standing here
Jealous of an image
I'm the backwards other girl
Looking from the outside

The Facts

We really don't know
Not a word, not a fact, not a feeling
No one likes to admit they're clueless
But it's true, true, true
That we live by dying

And you don't understand
You didn't even try
And why couldn't you even try
Cuz you really didn't know
And it's true, true, true
That facts are facts that don't exist
And our thoughts are a spec to the universe

I didn't mean to hurt you
I didn't mean to act so stupid
And how could you throw it away
How could you drown it dead
You just didn't know
But it's true, true, true
The music won't come out

And the time will come when you come back
It's the boomerang game of all humans
Why can't you understand
I can't even let you go
I can't even understand
But it's true, true, true
What happened to one year ago?

It's like sitting around and talking with no point
It's like punching letters and deleting them all
It's like screaming some words with no one to hear
And it's true, true, true
Why can't we understand
That we're still
Not dead

From Black to White

Staring deep into the mirror and smashed against its side
Screaming how could you close in like that overnight
How could my mirror reflection keep me to herself
How could she look at me like that, how could she just not know

Looking at the old me
And feeling through the new me
How can things just happen like that
Last minute was three years ago

What happened to the mean, tough me who wanted to save someone's life
What happened to the obsessive me who researched Grey's all night
What happened to the girl I knew, the girl who laughed instead of cried
How did I go from being mean to nice and from being black to being white

Where's the me surrounded by static and where's the me slamming locker doors
Where's the me staying up till midnight and wanting more and more
I'm surrounded by cupcakes and I don't know what to do
I don't know how to live the life of the girl I just turned into

And I so desperately want to change back
So desperately want to study all the static without sickening
So desperately want to turn back the time
So I'm not the girl who passed out in the locker room

Lightning crackling in the mid of day
With a lunar eclipse as bright as the moon
But somehow I just can't stand it anymore
How could I be so stupid to do it all for someone who doesn't exsist

The girl in the mirror stares back blocking me away
I cringe against the door and start to cry
Four years have past in five more seconds
And I just don't know why I've turned from black to white

Will something happen just in time
Does anyone even care
Can any miracle bring me back to normal
Before I'm not even white

Nowhere

Crammed up against the window pane
Turned inside out
I don't know what to call that feeling
Don't know how to live
And maybe
We all try
But we're really getting nowhere as we breathe

Staring at the girl who's got a simple life
There's a family and something to eat
And comparing her to the starving child
Why don't we realize that her life could be worse
Why don't we look from the inside
Do we really even try
We're really getting nowhere as we breathe

And I don't know how to put my hand right up on that feeling
I don't know how to explain it with words
But couldn't we all try
Just to realize
Not be so obsessed with MINE
We're really getting nowhere as we breathe

To look at someone and criticize
To the point where we're giving ourselves away
Can't anyone think
Or are we all just way too human
And we're really getting nowhere as we breathe

How am I supposed to look back
How am I supposed to cry
We're all entranced in our own little dream
With that matter-of-fact little tone
It was just September yesterday
We're really getting nowhere as we breathe

An A+, a commitment, she won three games in a row
Is that all I am to you
Is that all I've done in my life
Can you not look at me and say that I tried
Why do we only look from the outside
If that's all we are to others
We're really getting nowhere as we breathe

And we're humans of all sorts
Containing ourselves in our precious bodies
Kneeling down and throwing up
And looking at things through only our eyes
We're really getting nowhere as we breathe

Just for the Moment

If we could all be ourselves just for the moment
What would the world be like?
If we could all be ourselves just for a moment
We would all be a little bit physch

If we could all be ourselves just for the moment
Everyone would stop what the chores we're doing to look perfect
If we could all be ourselves just for the moment
We'd all follow our urges and never suspect

If we could all be ourselves just for the moment
We'd wear the wackiest clothes and laugh a lot
If we could all be ourselves just for the moment
We wouldn't worry about doing stuff the wrong way and getting caught

If we could all be ourselves just for the moment
We'd dance and sing at midnight
If we could all be ourselves just for the moment
We really wouldn't have any fright

If we could all be ourselves just for a moment
Well, I have to admit that moment is the key word
If we could all be ourselves just for the moment
It's only the split second that would be absurd

Stuff to Remember

Riding Kelpie through the wind
My horse and I breaking the light barrier
We are at the same rhythm, driven towards the same thing
And all I can think is how I feel free

I pour the baking soda into a cup
Adding salt and sugar and all the spices
There could be endless possibilites on how this could taste
And all I can think is how I feel free

Sprinting at midnight with my puppy
We together are the only ones out
Everything is oepn to us--open minded and open boundaries
And all I can think is how I feel free

I throw paint at a huge easel
Just splotching different colors on with my brush
I don't really care how it turns out; after all this is only for fun
And all I can think is how I feel free

Laughing until my stomach hurts
Hardly realizing I'm where no one can find me
I'm care-free, sadness-free, guilt-free, and pain-free
Apart from all society's threats

I can hear the music playing
The rushing beat and the tick-tocking clock
Nothing good ever lasts but a split second
The moment is gone; I am left with nothing

I can't describe the feeling
I can't bring it back
And I ask myself, "Why can't I remember?"
All I can think is how I felt free

Magic

Riding bareback on my best friend Midnight
A black stallion glistening in the moonlight
I am barefoot, dressed in summer clothes
While the trees rustle and I feel the breeze's tender touch
I gallop away, away

The soft grass shuffles under our feet
The sky is old yet young, peeking through the tall trees' leaves
We are alone, Midnight and I, yet we are together
We are the only ones who understand each other inside and out
Really we are one spirit adventuring towards freedom
We gallop away, away

The serenity of the land we have found
No trees have been cut down, no human presence
It's a break from the tangled up wires and the dire bulldosers
The magic sensation running through me is pure energy
This world has no matter, it's vast and free
We gallop away, away

I am a mere runaway with what others call nothing
This land is my room
The moon is my nightlight, the grass my bed
I need no windows
Most people call it unsafe, too open
But somehow it makes me feel free

And I wish I could enjoy the magic forever
As beautiful as sunrise is, it brings sorrow
Daylight will restore and they will come looking
Those who are dying as they live
And Midnight and I will return to normal

But every moonlight the wind will rustle
The trees will sway
Magic will happen
While everyone else says sleep is necessary
Midnight and I will be there to live
And one of these nights
The most vast night of all
Daylight will never come
It will be the end of the tangled up wires and the dire bulldosers
And there we'll be
Galloping away, away

Butter

Is the butter on the table?
Is the lemon in the lime juice?
Is the apple in the fruit dish?
Are we ready for dinner?

Does the base cover everything up?
Does the blush make my cheek bones stand out?
Does the Slim Fast make my body look thin?
Do I look perfect now and forever?

Can you see the tear in my eye?
Can you see the frown on my face?
Can you see my make up running?
Do you think I'm very happy?

Do you see me on the staircase?
Am I better new and improved?
Is it better to be me or to fit in?
Did you leave behind some bread crumbs?

What You Do on One Side Must Be Done to the Other

Have you ever felt like eating paper?
Have you ever felt like crushing glass?
Have you ever felt like popping bubbles?
Have you ever felt like skipping lunch?

Have you ever felt like doing something crazy
Because nothing else will satisfy you?
Have you ever felt like holding back the crying
Because you're afraid of feeling sad?

Have you ever cried during the happiest movie
Or laughed during something stressful?
Did you try to replace your own problems with fiction
Only to find you feel even worse?

Have you ever started crying because your pen ran out of ink
And stayed in the restroom for three hours?
Have you ever lied down carelessly under a sink
And realized with horror that you finally felt emotion?

Have you ever been overwhelmed with feelings
Guilt and horror and dread and worst of all, hope?
Have you ever been parylized with water trickling
Watching the water and the blood running together and drowning?

Have you ever woken out of your figurative death
Hoping for support but only to find yourself alone?
Have you ever told your friends your feelings
But they only judge and turn against you so shallowly?

Have you ever heard people talking about what you did
How bad it was, how ashamed you should be?
And then have you sensed that those same people feel guilt themselves
Who just need a friend, someone to pull them through?

Have you ever felt that everything could be right again
That someone understood you and you were fine?
And then you discovered that you were as wrong as one can be
Everyone turned against you once again

Have you ever felt worthless because of society today?
Have you ever felt like a monster in a closet?
Have you ever felt angry because of gossip in the hallway?
Have you ever felt like a circus animal trapped in a cage?

I always wondered what it would be like to punch a hole in the sky
And to truly forget the echoes in my ears
I still wonder why people place frames around the windows
Doesn't everything look better running free?

Dry

I'm sick and tired of the cruelty
Just angery at the world
I want to scream and pour it out
Instead of skipping lunch
Instead of laying here like nothing happened
Unable to move or think or talk
Or feel any emotion
And they all say to distract my mind
By reading or doing homework
But all I can do is lay here
Self-absorbed and stuck in a moment
Not even realizing that I'm in the bathroom

Hateful, Dreadful Society

We sit and complain
Oh, how things are going wrong
And oh, how we can't do anything
We're just couch potatoes lounging around
Not taking advantage of all we have
To change it

And the happy peeps come round and say
Be thankful for what you have right now
Be cheerful and don't complain
Have a positive outlook
And I don't agree one bit
Because if we're thankful for what we have right now
One day we'll lose it all
We won't look outside at the things messed up
And be able to change it

Some people call it voter apathy
Or not taking opportunity
Staying right there cuz we can't take the risk
I call it just plain stupid
Do we realize what's happening to everyone's rights
When we say the pledge do we really think
Or is it becoming a habit just like brushing your teeth

There's only five fingers but there's so many hands
We're looking at the outside
The obvious
Concentrating on the problems dangling in front of us
And when are we finally going to see
That we're so darn messed up

And why can't we take advantage of what's right in front of us
We're down to the point where dying and living are the same
I want to say hello
Wake up
And I keep shaking society except we never open our eyes
Why not run in the rain and ruin our hair
Why not eat some chocolate and smudge it all over our faces
And break down laughing hysterically
We're so fixed on instant solutions and drugs
Keeping up a perfect impression
Why are our souls shrinking each time we read another magazine

And we're counting time
The time we've got left and the time we've survived
On a twelve month calendar
Why is everything so structured
Why do we try to trap time and own land
How come we draw the line and say MINE
I remember learning about abstract and concrete nouns in grammar
Concretes are things you can own
I think everything started out as being abstract
What has happened to our greedy selves
My worst fear used to be getting bubble gum in my hair

One day our souls will be completely gone
Tomorrow I'm getting drugged for depression
I meant to just comment on society
But the happy people disagreed
They don't want me making a bad impression
So they're taking me away
Into their closed mind
Where they think the drugs will make me better
But it's rather like they'll replace me

And look at me here
Standing all alone sobbing in the rain
The train keeps on chugging
I reach over for my Diet Cocola that I'm drinking
And the People Magazine I'm currently reading
When I get off the train and see my family
I'll act happy
I'll act like it's a beautiful day
To make a good impression
No one would ever guess that this is me
No one would ever guess the second most natural instinct of a human
Which, of course, is being hypocritical
Saying one thing and doing another

I said I hated society
I said I hated the human race
And now you are gawping at me
Stop making so many stupid assumptions
I said I hated the world
But I never said I wasn't part of it

The train stops chugging
I pick up my Burberry suitcase and get off
The sun is shining brightly and the trees swaying
I just used whitening bleech strips
My new smile will be great
I have to act happy in front of my family
Maybe it won't be so hard after all

Worst Enemy

He's my worst enemy
I scream at him NO
I just wanna slap him
Or punch him
I hate to watch him breathe
Cuz he always gets his way

And here I am
Standing right here
He really has nothing to do with me
Or my life
Yet I still hate him
He's still my worst enemy

I talk about him to everyone
Tell them all what I think should be done to him
Of course that has no effect
He'll always get his way
As long as he keeps living
Cuz it's life

And I keep thinking that for years
It's me and him against each other
And I get used to the fact
Except now I realize
That I've got no right to say that
Cuz we are the same
One day that could be me

And I still hate him
But I can't admit it
Cuz it's life...
And we're all the same
It never matters
Who's gonna get it all
Who's gonna get just some...
It's life...
Do you think we're all our own worst enemies?

Cracking

Fires set to houses
Starving children begging
Volcanoes erupting
Thunder and lightning
Happy people crying
The funeral bells ring
And while I'm standing here
In the midst of this bedlam
I can only laugh

The sun is burning out
All the water is being wasted
To put out that fire
We're all going to die
That's no surprise
But shouldn't I at least try to help
Should I at least move
And care?

I'm trapped and surrounded by darkness
Someone has blindfolded me
To shelter me
And yet I still know what's going on
I can feel it
I can hear the bells ringing

I'm inside a coffin
Am I alive or dead?
Who knows?
Either one is no surprise to me
I hear the last drops of water
Against the crackling fire
And the bells' rings echo endlessly

I'm in a casket
The staleness of it finally hitting me
Stuck in a moment
In a coffin
The funeral bells are for me
They keep ringing

And amidst the bedlam
Amidst the tiny cold spike
Trickling up my spine
Amidst the happiess and sadness of leaving the world
And the bells ringing
All I can do is laugh
I'm cracking under pressure

Priorities

No one is understanding
No one cares
Judging and killing
Closing our minds
We've got the natural instinct to survive
We, ourselves are our number one priority

And I want to be able to snap out of it
I want to be able to see past the fog
To see the cars blowing up
And the little girls crying
I want to be able to see the people who don't have as much as me
But I can't see past the fog

I'm staring at the mirror
Smearing on the lip gloss
Fiddling with my hair
Half of me wants to forget about what will never happen
To just look at the outside
And keep staying where I am right now

And the other half of me wants to do something
To at least try to care
And to see past the eyes I have
Those ugly human eyes
To take off that eye shadow
And all that artificial junk
And finally get my priorities straight

As the tension builds in me
I realize that no matter how hard I try
I'll always stay human
And be trapped inside this awful skin
Probably
At least I think
And if I try to escape
I'll be so different
And is it worth the risk?

I keep staring at the mirror
I add the eyeliner
The fake eyelashes
That's my number one priority right now
Because I'm human

Silhouette

Hope is just a silhouette
Fading away
Ever so slightly
To be seen

Hope is just a silhouette
Just like a shadow
Tagging along
And you're trying to tell it to go away
You know it should be gone

And you're brain's saying no
With your heart saying yes
What in the world is keeping you sustaining
It's that silhouette
It's hope

Hope is just a silhouette
Only to be seen if you really look
With peripheral vision
With a new idea
With all you've got

Only if you really discover
What in the world is keeping you sustaining
What in the world could be that feeling
It's that silhouette
It's hope

You look into yourself
And you find that it's still there
Looks like it's fading but it's really getting closer
Pushing you to find it and then hiding in the distance
Keeping you sustaining
From not figuratively dying
Oh, oh
It's that silhouette
It's hope

Death

Why do we live like that
Not eating certain foods
Not trying certain things
Only doing what we're supposed to do
We're scared of getting some disease
Or dying
Well, want to hear the truth?
We only die because we live

Life

Don't go any farther
Stay right there
I know you're miserable
But if you try to be happy
There's a 90% chance of dying

Excuse me
I know this sounds different
Than the rest of all the humans
But aren't I really dead
On the inside
Anyway?

When I was Seven

When I was seven
I adopted a stray dog
And saved her from the fate of living on the streets
As she was left in a dumpster
When I was seven
I knew I made a very, very small change
To the world
Yet I knew there was so much cruelty left
That I could do nothing about
When I was seven

Fate

Clang, clang
Jingle, jingle
De ja vu
This time I found my keys
I won't be delayed
I have another chance
To not get in the car crash
Boom, crash
Cry, scream
I converted mass to energy
I got another chance
In a parallel universe
But I still got in that car crash
Guess it was fate...

The Nervous System

It's really just wires and outlets that make us
Our nervous system
And once one thing shuts off the rest does
We're completely dead and that's it

Through Animals' Eyes

I don't understand it
About humans
The way they look in the mirror
And obsess about eating
The way they need their reputations to be perfect
And judge others if they're different
I don't understand
It's not like they only see the outside

Can't they see through anyone's eyes
And know what they are feeling
Don't automatically assume they're happy just cuz they're laughing
Can't they look at the mouth
Not at the frown or smile kinda thing
But at the posture
And see what their thoughts are
Can humans not look at their overall stance
And clothing
And see others' moods?

I'm beginning to think they can't
They don't have the ability
Because if they did
They'd be like us
We don't judge
We know that we really are the same on the inside
What does it matter if it's plaid or Burberry?
If it's Slim Fat or regular?

Or maybe they can
Maybe their eyes will allow it
But their strange mind won't
Because they're too busy obsessing over
Well--
That stuff
And so they don't realize that they could seek truth
And actually live
Without being so perfect

I don't understand
I thought humans were supposed to be the smartest
The most advanced
Is there something wrong with me?
That I don't understand why they seem to be the dumbest?
And the ones that need the most help from us?

I guess I'll never find out
Because I'll never be a human
And even so
I wouldn't want to be

Low Fat Water: No Sugar Added

It started with lip gloss
As simple as that
Then all kinds of make-up
Cover up base
Eye liner, too
To disguise our little faces
But that's not all...

Plastic surgery
Botox and injections
Take away my wrinkles
I don't want to get old
All I want them to see me is
Perfect

Then I need to watch my weight
I need to appear healthy
Slim Fast
Weight Watchers
Splenda
Low fat from A-Z
Soon they'll even edit water

And software
You know what they do?
Let's take off half my body weight
Blur the forehead
The world could rotate on that pimple!
And it's all cuz I wanna appear
Perfect

I can't show I'm sad
People might think something's wrong
So I smile and I laugh
I won't show that tear
And it's all cuz I wanna appear
Perfect

We're so edited out
To make a perfect impression
But is there room for living?
Is there time for being human?
Amidst all this editing?
Amidst all this editing out mistakes?
Is there time for learning and growing?
Having fun?
No
But we don't really care
Then again, there's no time for caring

Step back and look at us
Look what we've done to ourselves
And the world
Things are hardly real
They're so edited out

Look at us now
Then come back in the future
When we'll see life passing on a computer
All the tragedies will be deleted
"Tragedies"
Come back in the future
And I swear
There'll be low fat water
No sugar added

Bye, Sweetie

You can come with us
To a better place
You don't have to stay on Earth
And watch the world burn

You can come with us
Where we all get rights
Where nature still exsists
And where we'll all live peacefully
All you need
Is a token

What's that?
You don't have a token?
Well, sorry, you can't come
I care more about the token for me
Than safety and happiness for you
Anyway, I need to leave
Bye, sweetie

You can go
And I'll stay here
What's the use
With people like you
That world won't be so wonderful after a while
You'll see
Bye, sweetie

Static Electricity

It's just a big world that goes round no matter what
Life goes on and continues
We are all connected to each other
By fear and hatred and shame
Oh we are all connected
By love and courage and friends
Oh the world goes round the orbit
Static electricity

It's the force of our friends and our enemies
Positive, negative, we all have charges
We attract, we get vibes
From people of all kinds
And we are really actually the same
We attract, we divide
We're all connected
By force of static electricity

The path of our life leads to our goals
It's the force, it's the drive that's pushing us
Otherwise where would we be?
And when we get a static shock
Our hair stands up and we laugh or cry
Maybe it's not what we expected
But hey, it's static electricity

The world goes round, we all stay the same
On the path of life
Connected
Shocks and surprises
Happy and sad
Positive and negative
Charges and vibes
And we say
Hey, it's life
Hey, it's the world
And it all revolves
It's all just a big mess of static electricity

Total Joy

What is it
Did I just completely change
I feel so much better
Now that I'm up there
On the horse
I'm like a different person
I think I am
And then
I know that I'll go back to the true me
When I get down
Or is that the true me?
Is this the true me?
Who knows?

All I know is that I might as well enjoy this
Cuz it won't last long...

Stranded

Stranded in a good way. Or was it good? This is what I really wanted, right? I had run to a place where no human had been before; no human had been here to set laws or destroy the nature. No civilization. I looked around at the black sky, lit by lightning and gray swirl-clouds. In front of me was a writhing ocean, alive with its gliding, crashing waves. And here I was, surrounded by trees. It was definetely my type of place. I could survive here--I had packed enough food, hadn't I? Then I looked around at the storm and saw it in a different way, a life-threatning way. I sobbed until I couldn't anymore. And when I stopped, I realized that at least this was better than the real world. Then again, wasn't anything?

Tsunami Wave

It's almost a tsunami wave from the distance, but the wave becomes smaller and weaker as it glides forward. It's still massive, covered with indigo stripes and paths, about to hit a nearby rock. I wait for the huge splash with an overflow of foam. Above me blue is crawling into the black of the sky, preparing for sunrise. I look down once again and realize that the wave has already hit the rock. There's no foam or loud roar. All I see are droplets of water seeping into the rock, staining it and soon fading away. So much for the tsunami wave.

Alone

I'm alone
Trapped
Anomgst bare trees
Behind an endless ocean

Waves crash
Lightning bolts
I'll probably die

I let out a sob
And it echoes forever
At least in my soul
And I look behind me

There's more than meets the eye...

The Good Stuff

Who forgot the good stuff
So long ago
Eating stuff and playing around
Really no purpose at all

Who forgot the good stuff
Who forgot about friends
Who in the world came up with the thought
That dying is really that bad

Who forgot the good stuff
Who realized the truth
Who remembered we're all gonna die
Who thought that we should stop it

Who made us that obsessed
Who made us plastic
Who chopped down all those trees
Who forgot the good stuff

And suppose we're all here
To just live and die
Suppose it was really meant to be and we really shouldn't stop it
Who forgot the good stuff

Yeah yeah yeah
We're dying in our hearts
We're turing into iron steel

Yeah yeah yeah
We're alive but we're really not living
And something in me is begging to live
But everyone forgot the good stuff

Yeah yeah yeah
Oh yeah
Haven't we gone too far
Haven't we
Shouldn't we remember
Who forgot the good stuff
We all did

A Quiet Day at the Pool

I'm lying on a chaise lounge
In the only shaded spot
On a bright day
There is a soothing, light breeze
that makes the palm trees sway
And the pool water ripple
The only sound I hear
Is each drop of the fountain
Plopping onto the water
Simultaniously
I'm all alone
In a peaceful way

I remember the pool at camp
On a sunbacked, boiling-hot day
All I could think was to jump in the cold water
With my best friend
I remember not being able to hear myself talk
Because of the chatter amongst the 78 other girls
It wasn't peaceful
But it was fun
Swimming to music
Talking
Giggling

My mind comes back to reality
I'm almost surprised to hear only the fountain
Not the chatter and blasting music
I wonder where I'd rather be
It's so hard to tell
At first I think they are so different
Then I look up at the clear blue sky
And I know they are the same

What Makes the World Go Round

What makes the world go round
Some people say it's love or joy
Friendship or happiness
They say G-d makes the world go round
Causes everything from love to hate

Those types of people
The happy kind
Believe that without friends
Without people to love
Life wouldn't be worth living

But do you want to know a little secret?
The big truth?
Life isn't worth living anyway
If you took the love out of the world
It would still spin on it's orbit
Few people would actually care
It's not really a secret

And then even if the happy people are wrong
Wouldn't you like to believe that?
That we as humans aren't really that selfish?
But we are

Some people think money makes the world go round
That's pretty logical
Because we are obsessed with money
And as much as we think that money can't buy everything
It really can
Except for the rare types of people
The happy kind

Lots of people have more scientific beliefs
That it's our natural instinct to survive
The planets' orbit and all that junk
Time
Mass
And energy
That's logical
And neat

Still, I believe in something else
Maybe the happy people make the world go round
Remove them
And all that would be left is the huge rat race
The terrors of the war
All of the normal people's obsessions
And the world would collapse

What makes the world go round?
Who knows?
Who cares?
I'll tell you another secret
None of it matters
What matters is that the world does go round
Or does it?
Again
It's not really a secret

Fast Forward Two Thousand Years...

We're trapped in a black and white world
We can't reproduce
All that's left are the remains of the war
The humans got their wish
Turned the world black and white
They found a solution to everything
Instant gratification
But now look what's happened to them
Look what's happened to us

We're slowly dying off
In a world of misery
If the humans had left us the way we were
Without the robots and machines
Being their slaves
Killing us for them
There would have been color
But now it's black and white
Everything they wanted for a perfect world
But now look what's happened to them
Look what's happened to us

Woah!
I see color
Blood
A tsunami
A woman
Galaxies
Melting into a canvas of life
And turning into wind
Fainting away

And I realize what's happening
I'm dying off
I'm just one of those animals
"They don't have a brain"
"Don't worry"
Humans would say
To comfort themselves
Instant gratification
Well they got their wish
But now look what happened
To them
To us
We're all dead
The world collapsed

Peace Isn't Comforting

Just swinging
In a beautiful garden
A warm day
With a light breeze
Stillness in the air
The soft rustle of the fountain
A perfect day's atmosphere
Anyone would say
For me
It's all too quiet

The city's traffic
Crowds at the mall
Chatter in the hallway
Neighs at the barn
There the atmosphere is lively
Too busy
People say
For me
It's a perfect comfort

I'm swinging in a garden
Everything is out of place, bizarre
Isolated from the real world
I feel like running
And never stopping
Till I get back to the world
The real world
And it's a comfort

Life Matters...or does it?

Trying to explain that blank feeling
Trying to keep back the tears
Or turn them into laughs
What a waste of time
They say
But what if you cry
What if you don't get everything done
Cuz you're too angry
They say you're not decent
Or whatever
Does that really matter?

Looking in the mirror
Seeing that face
Is that really me?
Did I do that
Did it really happen that way?
And realizing that the whole world's now against you
What just happened to your life
So overwhelming
But then you think
Whatever
Does that really matter?

Standing in the spotlight with your lines forgotten
Everyone staring at you
You have to admit
Life feels like you're the big picture
In a bad way only
You're shaken with embarrassment
AHHH!!!
And you suddenly think
Whatever
Does that really matter?

What matters?
Does life matter?
Should we worry about doing the wrong thing in such a short time
When we're all gonna die anyway?

Lunch Skipper (A song I wrote)

Been there, done that
I know how that feels
Used to be stuck in place
Without any help
But now things are better
Supposedly

Things are unrealistic
I can survive alone
No stress of school or homework
Friends and stuff
No mothers yelling
Then why do I feel
I still need to skip lunch

Back to normal
Stress and fear
I thought it could be perfect
But that never lasts
One thing'll stay the same
I'm a lunch skipper!

Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
It makes me feel better
Oh, oh??
Somehow
It makes me feel better
Skipping lunch
Oh?
I'm a lunch skipper!

Am I Dead on the Inside?

Paralyzed
I can't move
I can't think
What just happened
I'm gonna faint
My life just slipped out of my hands
Where did he go
Where am I
Am I dead on the inside?

My room whirls around me
Life is spinning
I need control
But I can't have it
Did my friend really die
Just like that
Or am I still at the nightclub
Dancing
I'm lying on the bathroom floor
Am I dead on the inside?

I still need to do the laundry
Still need to feed the dogs
What the heck!
I skipped four meals
But who really cares
I lost a friend
I can't even laugh or cry
Am I dead on the inside?

Friends desperately try to comfort me
They can't
All I hear are the last words he said
"Marry me"
I can only think of my life
What just happened
Am I dead on the inside?

There's a painful lump in my throat
Hot tears start to leak
My whole body sprawls and shakes as I let out the first sound in days
An agonizing scream
Pure terror pulses throughout my body
And I know it's time to be alive

Upside Down

It's three weeks after summer
You're life's turned upside down
Not at all how you expected
You're the most hated in town

Three days ago you cheated
You've lied to your best friend
You don't know why it's happening
You want your life to end

You're in trouble with the law
Suspended from your school
It seems like just last week
When you were actually cool

Three melt downs in an hour
Don't know why you're turning bad
Is it the pressure from the school year
That's making you go mad

Throwing things across the room
Randomly crushing glass
People wondering why you're like this
It's like you're holding in a secret, a big and heavy mass

You've become Goth
You've put homes on fire
You hate the world, can't let it out
You never seem to tire

You're a rebel overwhelmed
You wanna use a knife
Cuz ya really hate yourself
And ugh, you hate life

The Best Friends

The Best Friends--a short story I made with my friend Christina

Once there were two friends. There was Coconut, the snow white stallion, and Buttercup, the playful Beagle puppy. They remembered meeting on a shady day in the barnyard field. Buttercup was only two months old, and Coconut was only a foul. They had both been curious to explore the unknown and make new friends.
When Buttercup had asked Coconut to be her friend, Coconut gladly answered, "I would love to be! Today is my first day out in the pasture, and I have already made a new friend!"
They discovered many things about each other. They both lived on a farm in Kentucky. Coconut lived in the stables, while Buttercup lived in Master's house.
Buttercup and Coconut would play every day in the pasture. They had many adventures together. They both remembered the time when they ventured into the great unknown forest. Even though they were frightened of the noises and creatures said to be living in the forest, they enjoyed exploring and finding that the forest wasn't as scary as they thought it was.
Coconut and Buttercup lived all of their lives together on the old Kentucky farm. Everyone knew them as not just Buttercup, or not just Coconut, but Coconut and Buttercup. They were like sisters--there was not an experience either one of them remembered alone. They were inseparable.
Inseparable, that is, until Coconut was sold to a farm in Tennessee. They remembered the day well, when a master from another farm inspected Coconut in every way. The words, "She's good. I'll take her." had broken their hearts. They were to never see each other again.
A few weeks after Coconut was taken, Buttercup decided she would find a way to see her best friend. And without knowing Buttercup's decision, Coconut decided she would find a way to see Buttercup. The two friends set out on their journeys early the next morning.
In the misty morning, Buttercup set out through the forest. She was nervous, but remembered her experience with Coconut and kept going. She tried her hardest to ignore the mysterious sounds and peering eyes lurking through forest. She sprinted on to Tennessee.
Meanwhile, Coconut galloped through the wild fields of Tennessee to the farm where she was born. She was so happy to be going to her home and seeing her best friend again. She hadn't liked it at all in Tennessee. It was all too different. No one dared make friends with her and thought she was odd. They were too concerned about being "broken".
And suddenly the friends saw each other and couldn't believe their eyes. They both had traveled far just to see the other. They truly were friends and never again were separated.

The End

Back

Bex climbed up to her room as fast as possible so her parents wouldn't see her cry. She looked around at her room. Bex tried to think of the things that were better at home than at her summer program to make herself feel better. A nice bed, a T.V., a big room to herself...it wasn't helping.
She turned on music and then turned it off. Music at home wasn't like music at her summer program. She started to hate the luxuries she had that weren't what she had before. Bex burst into tears, knowing that she'd have to survive a whole year with them anyway.

I Didn't Know How Wrong I Was

I thought once the countdown ended I'd be happy forever
The feeling of ending the school year, beginning summer camp
Is enough to trick your mind

I thought time would stop for me or something like that
That summer camp would never end
I could freeze in on the cycle just to have fun

I never thought that the end would come
Never thought it could hit me so hard
That once the countdown reaches zero, it quickly turns to more than it has ever been before
What was I thinking?

Hairspray

Hairspray is something used to make your hair neat
All the girls think it's hard to beat
They use it in front of boys after the shower
Girls think looking glamorous gives you power

Fancy hairstyles, ooh and ahh
Going to the spa, la la la
Looking pretty is important
A day without hairspray--I can't!

Getting boyfriends, being admired
For me that just makes me tired
I throw my hair in a pony tail
For me that makes my spirit sail

I see hairspray differently than most people
It's a waste of time

Impression

Isn't it weird how one single action
Starts a whole chain reaction
People lable you from one thing
You're lazy, you're ugly, you can sing

Youi climb a mountain so they think you're cool
You run really fast so they don't think you're a fool
You ace a single quiz so they think you're smart
You can't be fat so you don't eat that tart

Isn't it awful how the world judges by first impression
Because of that there's so much pressure
So people choose things for what others wanna see
It's so stressful--I can't be me

Then there's the times you can't choose
There's no people saying you've got nothing to lose
They decide you're lazy if you're not a good athlete
You're always emotional if you cry when you meet

So you wish you could run like a light wave
Just the power to stop crying, a smile to save
You wish to have the perfect impression so they'll like you
But you realize there's no use wishing cuz it ain't coming true

So you try to be happy with what you've got
You know the perfect impression can't be bought
Even though you end up hating yourself still
For lots of character traits you'd kill

So since you don't appear perfect you make friends who love you anyway
Not the people who go by impressions day to day
But the world still judges by an image
An impression

Light

Slowly the chair creaks back
Snaps in half
I wince at the sound
Shed a tear
I weap with all my might

The spotlight beam hits the egg
It cracks
The yolk spills
Slowly
First the big yellow ball
Then the clear drops
And we all applaud
Like a show

Sadness moves upon me
Pie is everywhere
There are only two lights left in the world
The moon
And my lantern
The rest is dark

And suddenly
I feel something hot
Mounds of dust shower me
There's no way to get out of the
Dust storm

Why is the light
Slowly going out
And why
Is there a whole in my pillow

Everything freezes
Time just stopped
I feel us going down, down
Deep into a black hole

And then
I see a glimmer of a light wave
The single piece of light dancing around
As the world starts over again

Spaghetti

Slurpy and weird
Like worms in a bowl
Skinny and round
Perfect and neat, not even a hole

Stretchy and long
Twisted like shoe laces
Happy and silly
Without even faces

I smile back
The little twisted, knowing grin
I laugh at the spaghetti in my hair

The Pressure of Making Decisions

They ask you what you want
Meaning which way won't come to haunt
They think it's easy to decide
When it's so hard you wanna run and hide

Deciding which was to go, which person to please
Who won't really care and who will seize
Or is it best to make yourself glad
Probably not, cuz everyone else gets mad

So you think and you think--is it this way or that
Will each choice harm me, or is there one right and exact
You feel overwhelmed with the confusion of having to choose
There's the smiling lady waiting while you want to snooze

And at last, suddenly, you know the answer that's best
Finally, happily, you're mind can rest
Then horridly you realize your answer's prob'ly wrong
So ya keep going through the steps described in this song

It's so hard to make a choice
You can't say you're opinion, use your voice
You'll upset someone no matter what
How can they expect us to go with out gut
Gosh! Gosh! There's so much
Pressure

Freedom

Bex took one look at the place and knew she was home. She could finally be happy. She'd make friends. She'd learn. Bex was amazed at the place. Slowly, smiling, she turned around for a view of the campus. There was a library, where she knew there'd be lots of physics books, a small village of dorms, and of course, a place for girls to have fun. A mall. Bex giggled out of pure joy and anyone who could see soundwaves would say those were golden.
She took another step to the right and saw a group of girls laughing. She sprinted over to join them. The girls glanced at her and seemed to immediately befriend her. It had been about two minutes and she was already having fun. And with a sudden pang of joy, Bex realized she was free.

Heat

People want black or white
They want things exact and right
Logical, practical, they think that's the way
A jagged end could ruin their day

They use scissors so it's clear cut and perfect
Nothing should be crooked, just clear and checked
Come on, try a rip, a laugh, or a play
No, no, no, why another way

A rip makes it jagged, some grey in between
Not two exact halves, not just nice, not just mean
They say scissors make it neat
For me a rip is hard to beat

They say scissors and better than rips
But let me give you a few tips
Come on, put some color everywhere
Why do us people really have to care?
We care cuz we're people
And we want black and white
We want everything to be just right
So of course
Of course
We use scissors

You Never Know

She did as she was told, sprinting around the track. Bex felt the heat of the day digging deep into her chest, squeezing air out. As her body forced her to slow down, she wondered what it was about her that was so wrong. A fly appeared out of nowhere and blurred her vision, so that everything melted into each other when Bex turned her head. She heard the laughter and shouts of her classmates and gym teacher, and her eyes welled with tears. "Grin and bare it," she thought as she bit her lip to keep from crying. But as usual it didn't work and Bex sobbed as she ran the mile and the world spun around her. The heat continued to cut into her chest as her head pounded. Bex's feet stumbled. Her tennis shoes seemed to press against her sweaty feet and trap them, so that they turned into tight, swollen balls. For a minute Bex lost her balance and fainted. Slowly, black curled around her. The last thing she heard was a giggle from one of the popular girls. "I'll never be good enough," Bex thought, as a tear streamed down her cheek. Then she was enclosed by the darkness.

Think

Why can't you understand things when you want
Why is it later that the thoughts come to haunt
Why do the thoughts leave and go
It's not by your wishes that they did so

You question, you wonder, the answer never comes
You have the bits and pieces but you're mind's going numb
You're all frustrated and dying to see
Why can't my brain just listen to me

Then you're trying to think about it but you're brain's another place
You and your mind competing--it's like a race
Wishing you could think, wishing you could understand
But you're mind's stretching away from that like a rubber band

One day the answer comes--it's that flash, it's that flame
It's that spark, it's that rainbow, that never is the same
But like any flash or rainbow it always melts away
Why can't the thought keep thinking, why can't it even stay

It's weird, it's tough
Complicated enough
I guess I'll never know
But I'll think

Perfect

Society's belief
There's a simple solution to everything
A little hyper?
Try drugs
A little ugly?
Let's take you to a plastic surgeon

Society's belief
I know everything
Bad at a subject?
You're not trying
Don't eat normally?
You're anorexic

Society's belief
I'm always right
Drugs will help
Plastic surgery will make you a better person
You need to eat more
Try harder

Society's belief
Humans should be perfect
My belief
If we're perfect
How can we be human?

Electronic (to the tune of Barbie Girl)

I'm electric girl
In electric world
Nothing plastic
It's fantastic

You can bling my cell
Email on my Dell
Desiging a blog
Training my Nintendog

Look at my iPod
The computer is my god
Type on the keyboard
No, don't unplug the chord

Come on lectrics, let's go program
Oh, oh, oh, yeah
Come on lectrics, let's go program
Ooo, ooo

Buy me a game boy
It's better than a toy
I play a video game
They never are the same

Come on lectrics, let's go program
Oh, oh, oh yeah
Come on lectrics, let's go program
Ooo, ooo

Competition

They say it's all friendly, they say it's all fair
They say it's all fun, they make competition rare
They say it's a great place, competition-free
So of course that's where people like me wanna be

You get there and see all there is to see
You think it's a place where I can be me
And then you realize there are leveled groups
If you're not in the top people treat you like poops

You realize there's inner competition of where you shop at
They compete in who's more skinny, who's more fat
Who's a better athlete, who's a better singer
Who runs fast and who wants to linger

They try to force you not to compete
But people can't help themselves from seeing who got beat
It's a natural thing to see who's best
People's minds just won't rest

And what's worse about competition is they have categories
You can be good at athletics, the arts, swimming, even telling stories
But since there's so few you might not fit in
You hate yourself if you're not one to win

Cuz you see the winners being loved and hugged with thanks
Out of all the people you get the bottom ranks
You see the winners fitting into the crowd
And you feel alone and stupid, not one bit proud

And suddenly you regret ever coming to the place
You realize they lied, it's all a race
And with horror you realize that it's hard to escape it
Unless the rare case is you don't care if you fit

But no matter what I say most people do
So competition will always be there for you
Because we're human and we're normal
We compete

A Mystery

Why, when we grow older
Do we forget the feeling
Of finger painting
Blowing bubbles
Laugh attacks
Fairy tales

Why, when we grow older
Do we call playing and laughing
Childish
As if something's wrong with it

Why, when we grow older
Do we forget the feeling
Of joking around
Dancing like a crazy monkey
Pillow fights

Why, when we grow older
Do we grow more practical
Forgetting what it's like to be fun

Do we really forget?
Or do we remember what it's like
To act care free
But we're just scared to admit it.
It will always be a mystery to me.

Tangible

I stomp on bags of anger
The blood of hate
The agony of war
The pain of being weak

I slap the sounds of terror
The crippledness of fear
The horror of sadness
And the guilt of being bad

I attack the problems
But I'm still not noticed
I cry and scream for attention
But no one else is there
Everything is normal
Why didn't I change anything?

And then I think
I stomped on not even matter
I slapped a feeling
What difference does it make
If it's not even tangible

A Glance at the Moon

I glance high above me
At the silver plate in the air
I wonder if I could climb a ladder
And place the plate
On the palm of my hand
As I would feel a sudden calming
By the coolness of the moon

I glance high above me
And wonder how anyone
Would be able to walk on something
So tiny
I wonder why I can't look through my magnifying glass
And see the moon's thickness
Why do I just see a round sheet of ice
When the moon is an entire world?

I glance high above me
At the moon, shining like it knows everything
What does it know?
Why can't it tell?
And I smile
Finally understanding
That the moon has its secrets
Just like all of us
And because it's part of the world
It would never tell

I glance high above me
Wishing I could know everything at the moon
And at the same time being glad I can wonder
What's wrong with wondering?
This time I laugh
And know that the heart wonders
More than it knows
So I might as well have fun with it

I glance high above me
I smile back at the moon
The moon, which can tell you so much
In just a split second

I glance high above me
At the moon.
I'm still waiting
For the cow to jump over it

Bubble

I am inside the bubble
Floating gracefully
Mischeivously happy
Enjoying the ride in mid-air
Not a care or worry
To get in the way
Until
The walls around me
Silently evaporate
And I sink to the ground

Outside the bubble
No one looks up
Their lives go on
While I shrink into
Nothingness

The Villian is Okay

Today I did an excercise which was showing a tiny bit of a good side of a villian. I chose the head mistress in Matilda by Roald Dahl. I called her M.H.

M.H. looked at the wandering child. She considered punishing her, cutting off one of her pig tails. "Well, maybe I'll let her slip. It can't be that big of a deal," she thought. So M.H. glanced away from the child and walked on, pretending she hadn't seen her.

Freedom

Freedom is the sky
Always open and wide
For soaring and floating
Bouncing on clouds
And being carried in mid-air
Freedom is the sky
Never ending
Never closing
And always there

A Problem

"Teacher recemmondations," Bex thought. "Darn!" Every time she asked a teacher for something they wound up yelling at her, and her punishment would be detention. She wondered how she was going to get a recemmondation. Bex had to get into this summer program, so she needed a way to get around this problem.

Boy Gone Missing

Today I did an excercise where I wrote a mystery with a water gun, three dice, and a half eaten sandwich.

"C'mon, go already!" Andrew shouted to his opponent. He was in his room betting in Craps, as he did weekly. Normally, he betted with friends and people he knew under his parents' rules, and it made him more comfortable. But today he was betting with a total stranger. "I wonder how much trouble I'll get in for this," thought Andrew. "Well, it's worth it for the money he offered me. Besides, I'm almost eighteen."
The opponent finally made his move. Big mistake. Andrew smiled and looked up. "Hand me the money. All thousand dollars," he said gleefully. This was exciting! His opponent had offered a lot.
Suddenly, the opponent grimacded and took some sort of weapon out of his pocket. Andrew put down the sandwhich he was eating and ran to his closet to hide. The opponent followed him. Andrew grabbed the first thing he could find to distract the opponent, which was a water gun. He squirted, and the distraction lasted for a while, but not long enough. The opponent grabbed Andrew by the neck, led him to his car, and drove away.
Meanwhile, Andrew's mom had found the ndice that they were playing with and called private investigators to report a missing son. The invistigators had detected the fingerprints on the dice. "They must be from...Larry George. He's been on a lot of cases lately! Let's get em' guys," exclaimed one of the investigators.

EPILOGUE
Just as Larry George got home and grinned meanly, Andrew's mom and investigators rescued him.

Show vs. Tell

Tell Larry and George hate each other.

Show Larry sprinted into the hall and as soon as he saw George, he glared at him meanly. In response, George punched Larry when he got the chance. The fist fight began.
"Stay away from me and my girlfriend, you hear?" shouted Larry.
"You stole her from me!" George replied. As they continued to beat each other up, they realized that they truly hated each other.

On the Bus

"I'll never forgive you as long as I live," I heard a girl say on the bus I was on. She was standing up talking to her parents, about to cry. I wondered what she was so angry about.
"Why did you have to make us move like that? Why can't you ever let me decide if we are moving?" I remembered the time my family had moved. I had felt the same way as this girl had. Something in me wanted to comfort the girl, but I chose to stay and listen.
"Kelly, will you stop complaining already!" her mom exclaimed, exasperated. "You know we can't change this anyway."
"Your mother's right, Kelly. Go occupy yourself with something else," her father said sleepily.
I felt sorry for Kelly. Her parents should have known that moving was tough.
Suddenly she outbroke in crying and screaming. I wished I could say something to make her feel better, but just as I started to think of what I could say, my parents called to me.
"Alicia! Come on, let's go. We've got to get to this hotel."
"Yeah, Alicia, c'mon!" my sister shouted.
The bus ride was over.

Blood

Oozing out of a
dying animal, mushy
red blood everywhere

Dr. Pepper

Sugar and caffeine
Makes me hyper and happy
Dr. Pepper rocks!

Waterfall

Trickles of water
Streaming between mountains
Reflecting sparkles

What Happened to the Fire

It used to be bright
There used to be light
There were parties and more
And screaming and laughing
It would snow and freeze
And a cool, crisp breeze
I got sand in my eye
But Dr. Pepper made it all better
I was a flame in the fire
Of life and myself

The little dolls would frown and cry
The flames would eat out their eyes
Of course the dolls still stared
And we didn't care
It would hurt
To touch a light wave
But we still got to ride

It was wet and dry
And lapsing pain
To feel that joy
I'll never even know
Where the butter went
It just slides on and on

Oh, but what happened to the fire?
Why did it freeze?
Why did we die?
I can't find the butter!
What happened to the fire?

The Maze of Doom

The worms are in the zig-zag maze
Knowing that every step they take
Will lead to doom
Some try to stay alive
And some try to die
Most of them just take their step
And try not to get hit by the razor blade

Suddenly
The slug finds an escape at the other end
It crawls rapidly
But the razor blade and chops the one worm into two
The worms cringe in pain

There is still time left
To find the escape
They slide behind the trap door
About to be untrapped

No
It's too late
The maze collapses
And the worms all die

Absolute Zero

The many lines of life meeting in dignity
Blurry yet vivid
Perfect lines forming into one
Midnight shadows in between them
Real yet fantasy
The black, white, and red of the world
And the details that life doesn't offer
Horrid but delightful
Evil looming and swarming
The good of the world in mid-air
As evil and good melt into life
Unsure but definite
A painting that only the soul can see
Morbid lines
What are they?
Nothing

The Turnback

In a parallel universe Snow White was smarter
She knew who and who not with to barter
She knew who and who not to talk to
An apple from some lady on the street--she wouldn't chew
So she smiled at the evil queen and knocked her out
She didn't need a prince to save her--I don't have a doubt
I just feel sorry for the other stupid Snow White
But in the end it serves her right
I'll stay in this universe with the princesses who are cool
Never would I like to live with a fool

Little Miss Muffet: Rewritten!

Little Miss Muffet sat down to have a cup of cider
Little did she know she was sitting on a spider
"Ouch," thought the spider as he gave her a bite
"I know this will serve her right"
So Miss Muffet sat up and searched for her boyfriend
Because this spider bite her boyfriend could mend
She didn't know, though, of the spider saying "Whoo hoo!"
For the spider had bitten her boyfriend, too
As Miss Muffet got dizzy and fainted in a haze
The spider thought she should have other ways
"She should learn to rescue herself," he thought
And there are a few lessons to be taught
First, never sit on a spider and always be kind
But, if you do, don't think you have a boyfriend to find
Unlike Miss Muffet, be smart and have a plan
So this situation won't happen again

A Waste of Time

Extraordinary love looks like
So sensitive masterpieces
Secret revenge
High-powered fun
Unstoppable

People say
Love conquers time
There's no real moments
The world has changed

Letter to the Editor: Am I Random?

Dear Editor,

I hate Dr. Pepper cans. Do you like them? I hate them. I hate them because they are red, but I like the color purple. I beg you to please turn Dr. Pepper cans to purple because I promise it will work better. If you don’t then I will have to paint my cans purple. Now, you really don’t want me to do all that work, do you? Make the Dr. Pepper cans purple.

I read a fortune teller this morning. It says that you could become very unfortunate. Dr. Pepper people, what do you suppose this means? Maybe I’ll die in three seconds! Let’s see...3, 2, 1, nope! I’m still alive! Maybe Dr. Pepper will be gone. Let’s see...hold on. Okay, my Dr. Pepper is still at my desk! Do you seek any meaning in the fortune teller?

Sometimes I get annoyed with the song The Wheels On the Bus. Do you ever get annoyed with it? I don’t like the middle part. Then again, sometimes I like the song.

I hate things like open parentheses (like this). Well, sorry that I made it closed parentheses but after seeing the open parentheses for that long I got scared of it and needed to close it. I also hate things like women spelled like women. Well, it was spelled the scary way, but then I had to change it because I got scared again.

Do you think I’m random? A lot of my friends say I’m random. Am I? I wonder...

Monkeys rock! You know, I wish they weren’t so brown. What if monkeys were purple, pink, or blue? What a funny sight that would be!!

Lastly, Dr. Pepper people, I hate the ring of the telephone. They have ring tones on cell phones, so why can’t they have ring tones on normal phones instead of just cell phones? Are phones bad? Do people like the traditional ring? I don’t.

This is pointless. This is bad. This whole letter is fraud. This whole letter is mean. This whole letter is asking for only one thing.

Please, Dr. Pepper people, please. Make the world collapse.

Signed,
Your Dear Friend,
A great pal,
A Dr. Pepper lover and fan,
A crazy cat,
A dude,
Me

So Desperately In Love

Tomorrow was the last day of school, and someone had to ask me out on a date because I was dead scared. I was scared of the teasing I'd get for being the worst in running, and scared of the people pretending to be nice by being like, "Aw, well just do better by doing this and this and this." And lastly, I was scared of crying. Sometimes, as hard as I bit my lip or grinded my teeth, my mouth would pop open and the tears would come out, kind of like a broken water faucet. I needed to stay happy, stay laughing. I suddenly wished that I could carry some jokes or something that would make me laugh and laugh and laugh while I was running. I wondered what the middle school would think of that. I wondered what my crush would think.
I was madly in love, and if my crush would just ask me out or something all of my problems would disappear. He would stand up for me and then text message "I love you" or "You are so hot" to me, and we would smile and kiss. It would be so romantic.
Before I slept, I danced to music and then, for the first time in months, I prayed. I prayed that my crush would ask me out and then that I would die before tomorrow and then that I would live long enough for my crush to ask me out. Then I prayed that I wouldn't cry. And then I cried.

Note: This is one of the many writings that is the OPPOSITE of my point of view. I repeat, the OPPOSITE!

I see Myself

I see myself
With big brown eyes
That contain my sincerity
And a small semicircle smile
That knows the truth

I see myself
With an outfit that complements my mood
Either a boring white shirt
Or something black for cool

I see myself
With lime green crocs
That show style and fun
And lazy determination

I see myself
Standing tall and straight
Proud of who I am

I see myself
As me

Total Opposites

First Character
Mildred scurried, trying to escape the lively chatter of the city. She was in no mood for keeping up with the town gossip--she had so many other things to do. Mildred couldn't understand how rich ladies with families to raise could walk around the town in fancy dresses and actually stop to talk. Looking away, she shook her head and rushed home to clean.

Her Opposite
Lily waited a few minutes before fishing, stopping to enjoy the fresh air and what she considered nature's greatest beauty. She looked at the sunset, with every color melting into pinkish-gray over the dark ocean. "Oh, how beautiful," she murmured to herself. "If only I could stay a little longer." But I can't, she thought. Lily never understood why her parents wanted her to hurry and bring fish home so early. If she was a minute late for dinner, she would be in deep trouble. It's not fair that everything is so structured, she thought. Sighing, Lily headed home.

Locked Forever

I was imprisoned by the royal queen
There isn't anything worse I have seen
The dungeon is gloomy
No flowers blooming
Nothing is happy like before

Someone save me, find the key to the cell
Rescue me and kiss me like in the stories they tell
Oh, please let my story turn out okay
I pray with all my might that you'll find a way
And if you don't
If you just won't
How will I get out of this horrible place?

The walls are sound proof, they shut the door
I won't get to live happily anymore
I'm trapped, I'm trapped, there's no way to get out
At first when this happened I didn't have a doubt
But now I know that I'm locked forever.

Official Blogger

I got a blogging certificate!

The University of Blogging Presents to Emily An Honorary Bachelor of Cheesey Memes Majoring in Emo Signed Dr. GoQuiz.com ®

Username:

Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

Void

Swirling
A blur
A shreik in the distance
Every color melting
Collapse

Life

Passion and hope
Giving joy and determination
Flickering power
Knowing confidence
I see her dreaming up her future
Know she can do anything
Full of life

A Rainy Day at the Beach

Wet drops chill the dull ocean. Ripples expand continuously as I listen to the "pitter, patter, pitter, patter" of the rain drops. All around me is the soggy sand, and sand castles are melting. I see the shadowy sky and feel the stillness and peace. As an icy rain drop lands on my hair, I giggle and listen to the echoes of my laughter. It sounds as though a million people are laughing at the other end of the ocean. "Maybe there are," I think, "but for now I'm alone."

In the Midst of Reality

why dream when rigid pain shimmers
purple metaphor is raw
dead canvas then captures
deep impressions appear

original passion
vivid music

Note: For the three poems entitled In the Midst of Reality, Peace, and The Artist, I was crazy and wacko and playing with Magnetic Poetry. Well, now you know what happens when you combine the two.

The Artist

in my dream the nice queen swims with me
under water over the mountain through the woods

she very softly laughs in the ocean
and I laugh at the moon at night

a spaceship slowly sings a song
but the end comes out

my mom wakes me up

once upon a time
I am an artist

Peace

your star wish was happy magic
pink summer morning
of warm mud
whisper and pretend
laugh with love
sing slow white water
peace is black

Lady

"I'll give you one last chance before I throw you in the dump." Would I survive with my horrible owner towering over me? I couldn't see why he was so mean to me. He did have a hard life being divorced and all. But that was no excuse to treat a sweet little animal like me so harshly. I cringed back and crawled under the table. The crack of the cruel boss's whip hitting me burst my eardrum. I felt the little bits of dirt in my fur which my owner wouldn't wash, and I felt sick because of my aching ribs and almost no fur. My stomach let out a thunderous growl, and I suffered the emptiness of being fed only three times a week. I couldn't help inching to my master and jumping on him as I begged so much for just one more scoop of food. Of course I didn't receive it. Instead, my master shouted, "That's it! You, dumb dog, are coming with me!"
The trash can smelled like every kind of perfume mixed together, and I felt slimy, old food all over me. I felt hot, humid rain on my raggedy fur and saw black rain clouds across the sky. I watched the cars on the street, hoping maybe one kind person would take me. The milliseconds turned to seconds, the seconds turned to minutes, and the minutes turned to hours. Whatever time it was, there I was in the trash can, invisible and waiting. "Screeeeeech!" Suddenly, I heard a car pull over, and a lady jogged toward me. Was she going to be sweet and gentle, or would she treat me inhumanely like my old home? I wagged my tail and jumped up in the trash can. I barked, so I knew her attention would definitely be on me. When she approached me, she checked me over, picked me up in her warm arms, ran back to her bright cherry car with me and a satisfied smile, and sped away.
"Whoever threw the dog in the dump is who I'm super mad at!" I heard the lady declare. I definitely agreed with her.
"You are right on that, Mom. Can we keep her?" Was the young girl talking about me? I sure hoped so.
"We'll see, honey." We'll see? Oh, I hoped I saw soon. I'd been through enough waiting. I wanted to belong to this family badly. The car was so joyful as everyone was talking, laughing, and stroking my back. It was the first time I'd ever been petted, and I realized this was extremely relaxing. There was a girl who looked about the age of nine, a man who acted like the girl's dad, and of course the lady, who was presumably the mom. Also, there was a pretty teenager who kept grinning at me. I could tell the family like me a lot. I sniffed the air, and for a change, I smelled a huge, juicy bone, and soon that bone was in my mouth! For the first time in my life, I gobbled down a treat in the middle of the day. Today was the day a lot of my first-times took place. I licked the people I hoped to be my owners all over. If they kept me, I had a feeling I was going to love their place. I thought I was in a heavenly dream as life was going wonderfully.
Everyone got out of the car to arrive at an enormous brick house with a door that said, "ALABAMA VET'S OFFICE. OPEN ALL DAY." What was a vet's office? The family inspected me thoughtfully, and the lady took me inside the office. What was going to happen? I looked at the desk that had papers all over it, and then the long halls with different rooms and enormous white tables. At the end of the hall, there was a scale. Would someone put me on the table and do something to me? I hoped they'd put me on the table and give me another bone, but somehow I knew this wasn't going to happen. A nurse led the lady and me through the hallway and finally stopped at a room. She laid me at a table, and then a tall man holding a shot stepped inside the room. My heart beat like a hammer as the man pierced my skin with a needle. Then, he announced that I had a disease called worms, so I would have to stay at the office for a few days. I thought I'd go home with a kind family. The lady reached out her hand and stroked me, and after that, she left.
The next few days at the office were terrible. The piercing shots hurt so bad that I didn't feel like moving. I dreaded the frigid baths that made me shiver and shake. The smell of sickening sterility filled the air around me and the first night, I thought just maybe the food would be good, but oh, no, it was canned and flavorless. Oh, how I wished the kind family would come back.
Each day, I would pick my head up every time someone came inside my room and bawl. But no one was there to take me home. All people did was sadly smile. No one understood a dog's life.
By the sixth day, I gave up hope that I would ever leave the office. I'd just stay there the rest of my life, never getting well. Now I just shivered, wondering why my life had to be this way. I didn't think I was a bad puppy.
As the days passed, I grew sadder and sadder, until the tenth day. On that day, a nurse walked into my room with a warm smile and exclaimed,"You're all better now! Are you ready to go home?"
I howled and ran all around the office. But which home was it? I ran out of my room to the front desk to see the nice lady check me out of the office. I hoped she'd never take me here again. As I jumped on her, she cooed, "Are you ready to go home? You're all better now! Are you happy, sweetie? Come on into the car."
I was placed into the car and driven home. When we arrived there, I realized my new home was casual and fun compared to my old home. My old home was all black while this had colorful walls, books, magazines, and a TV.
I felt myself being laid on a cushiony sofa. Curling up, I remembered what it was like at my old owner's house. I shivered but decided never again to give up hope or happiness, for I knew now that things can always turn out for the best. I'm still at this house, and I'm queen of it. I lie on my owner's beds with my head on their pillow. They don't punish me for pretty much anything. I even have a new name called Lady. How do you like that? I love it; I love it just as much as I love my new home where I'm treated right. Life's great!

Unbroken Forest

No stone can crack
The forrest mirror
That lies beneath the surface
Of sky water

Stay Away

I fear her absurd appearance
Behind my eyes
Is her, who hates the universe
And the way we think
Clouding my dreams
Is her, who knows
That the biggest thing to ever happen
Is death

Be smart
Don't recall the unknown
Make a new friend
Who doesn't believe

I would particularly like comments on the title of this--do you have a suggestion for a better title?

The Dr. Pepper Song

Honestly, I don't know why I didn't put this on earlier. I guess I just forgot about it or something! Well anyway here's the famous Dr. Pepper Song--it goes to the tune of Take Me Out to the Ball Game.

Oh, Dr. Pepper's delicious
I want some now
Buy me a Dr. Pepper
Then I'll be bouncing off the walls!
For it's high sugar and caffiene
If that's not in it's a shame
For it's one, two, three sodas
And I'll be hyper now!
Yahoo!

A perfect song for Dr. Pepper lovers (like me!)

Why Does She Care

Why does she care for me
I'm one thirty first
There's plenty of others
To give dirty smirks

I know I'm bad
So why make me cry
I'm constantly wishing
To die, die, die

Why does she embarrass me
Make me lose my appetite
I can't get her to like me
I'll just lose the fight

Maybe it's just natural
Her unpleasance and ugly glare
Which clearly shows me
She doesn't really care

I should be getting over this
So why can't I do so
Cuz whether she cares or not
She makes my spirits low

I know she's just insecure
It's normal to smile rare
So the question becomes
Why do I really care

Seeing Friends Again

I get to camp for a summer that's fun
Get outside and enjoy the sun
Unpack my stuff and pick out my bed
Get ready for a blast and look ahead

I'm happy, I'm excited--what did I find?
What I've been waiting for--my friends that are kind
I run to them and they run to me
We can hardly believe what we see

In the circle of girls there are five close friends
Whose changes in everything never end
From getting braces or glasses or contacts or more
To growing taller or bigger or just different from before

We recognize our changes and then we start having fun
Our time together should never be done
Laughing and talking and just being us
Even telling secrets to those whom we trust

After we've missed each other all during the year
Our reunion brings a smile from ear to ear
I have the time of my life seeing my friends from camp once more
That's why those times in the summer are what I adore

Sleepover

I come into a house to spend a wonderful night
A night where everything'll be alright
All my friends arrive and we greet each other
We're so glad to see one another

Sleepovers are happy, sleepovers bring joy
There, friends can cheer you up so you're ready to enjoy

The games start, the secrets spill
We let everything out--what a thrill
We can just be ourselves around our friends
That's why friendship never ends

Sleepovers are happy, sleepovers bring joy
There, friends can cheer you up so you're ready to enjoy

We make each other laugh by our funny stories
We talk and talk about our glories
We tell about embarrassing moments which are really fun
We comfort each other through sad times until they're done

Sleepovers are happy, sleepovers bring joy
There, friends can cheer you up so you're ready to enjoy

From movies to games to chatting our hearts out
And of course pillow fights we can't go without
Pop-corn throwing and singing
Going outside and swinging
Dancing in the dark and having a blast
At sleepovers time just passes so fast

Sleepovers are happy, sleepovers bring joy
There, friends can cheer you up so you're ready to enjoy

It's time to go, but we'll remember the time we spent together
We'll remember the stories and even the weather
We'll remember the friendship--pretty much everything
Because we're thankful for sleepovers and all that they bring.

Spit Stories Two: Throw Up Stories

Prologue:
Okay, so you know I'm in college now. But I let you skip a whole ten years of my life! Well you won't get away with that again--here's what happened when I was 11.

Chapter 1:
"Sorry guys, can't play my clarinet today. In P.E. we did the mile." I sat in the middle of my orchestra group explaining why I couldn't do my warm up or pretty much anything else. Every time in P.E. that we had to run the mile, I threw up and then had difficulty breathing. And we all know that the clarinet takes lots of breathing.
"Oh my gosh, not again. Can't you just play a little? I know it's not your fault, but the band really needs you. Otherwise I'll have to take away your lead solo," said Linda, the manager. Take away my solo? That would be horrible, but I guess I really deserved it. After all, if I couldn't practice, I wouldn't do well at the concert. But wasn't there something else I could do?
"Linda, we all know what the mile does to us, right? Gosh, I hate the P.E. teachers," Julie exclaimed.
"Completely agree!" I seconded her thought. Then I thought about starting a campaign that we wouldn't be forced to run the mile. No, a little far-fetched--students wouldn't get that kind of support and would get into big trouble. Besides, how could we do it? It's not like we can just march up to the head master and expect him to agree! Nevertheless, I told the group about my idea.
"No, we would get into too much trouble! There's nothing we can do about it, okay?" rambled Linda. Well of course she wouldn't agree.
"That's a great idea! We could refuse to get our partner's time--"
"And create an underground newspaper--"
"And then when everyone finally agrees, we can tell the head master!" excitedly ended Lucy. I was so happy that my plan would work!
"We'll meet tomorrow," I shouted as I headed home to call Ms. Lisette.

Chapter 2:
"Totally! You need absolute rights to playing the clarinet. I'm all for it. Oops…sorry but I have to go now. I'm making dinner and the over just went off. See you later, Meg!" That was Ms. Lisette after I told her about the plan. We had talked about the first steps and things like that. She had told me that the best idea was to make an underground newspaper and get the whole school informed. I agreed because the more people the better. Then Ms. Lisette said that she would try to recruit some adults who could help. I started typing our newspaper.
The Evils of the Mile
Have you ever thought that running the mile is tiring, cruel, or sickening? Have you ever dreamt of campaigning against it? This is the newspaper for you. Make sure you don't let any teachers get a hold of this secret newspaper because we could get into trouble. When we have an adult, we can start petitioning to teachers. For now, just read the newspapers and get people convinced that running the mile is horrible. Here are a few convincing articles.
Tiring. Julie, a student at this school, gets very tired from having to run. She explains that she was so tired once that she could hardly pedal on the piano, which made a huge difference on the concert. The composition didn't sound as good and we definitely weren't as confident. Most of us run the mile in the middle of the day and we have to go straight back to school work after running it. It isn't very fair that we have to do this, being so exhausted.
Cruel. Lucy hates the mile. She just thinks it's cruel! Each time she runs it, she feels like she's about to pass out. Also, P.E. for her class is right before lunch so she's expected to eat lunch right after running! Isn't that a bit strange? Think of it this way: you run, get very tired and sick, and so you don't have a big appetite. So you're forced to skip lunch! Lucy also once had a huge test right after running, and her head hurt so much from the mile that she got a C on the test. This isn't too bad, but she normally gets As and occasional Bs. How cruel!
Sickening. Meg gets sick each time she runs the mile, and the gym teachers do nothing about it. Meg is forced to stay at school when she feels weak from running, getting sick and then skipping lunch. We definitely need to fix these problems.
This is our first edition. Sorry that it was so short. Please submit to us YOUR stories about running the mile. Also to join our campaign email us.
That was our first edition of the Evils of the Mile. It was short but sweet (and gross). We emailed the newspaper to everyone in the school and crossed our fingers about what would happen tomorrow.

Chapter 3:
Tips on the Protest.
Prepare for Protest.
How to Protest.
The Law about Protesting Peacefully.
What to do When a Teacher gets Mad.
Whose Number to give the Teacher.
Good Lies.
These were a few article names. I sent each one to Ms. Lisette, and she continued to love each one. But, as you probably predicted, the day came when we had to start protesting.
Chapter 4:
"Today we'll be running the mile. I will give you a card for you to write your name and time on once you have finished. Now remember, if you don't complete the mile in seven minutes you'll be running again, so you must try your best this time." At this moment Ms. Bush glanced at me. I glanced at my supporters, and then we all glanced at each other. Then we burst out in giggles.
The giggles didn't last for long, though. Before I knew it I was running around the green track about to throw up. But I didn't feel as headache-y…I guess because I had some hope. And supporters. I glanced behind my shoulder and saw the thumbs up that Julie was signing. She mouthed, "GO! GO! GO!" This was it, and I was actually going to do it. I don't really know how I felt because it was scary to be risking probation or something, but this was totally worth it. If Ms. Lisette said I was doing the right thing, I pretty much was doing the right thing.
I watched in amazement as when my supporters and I slowed to a walk, other kids slowed down too. Some people looked curious, and some looked so happy. A couple boys looked like they wanted to kill us. But that's okay.
"Now why aren't you running?" I waited a long time for someone to answer. Then I knew that I was the leader of this campaign so that someone would be me.
"We aren't running the mile if it's okay," I timidly said.
"DO YOU THINK IT'S OKAY?" yelled Ms. Bush.
"Well, not okay with you, but okay with us. That's what campaigns are for--to make things okay for us, the majority. And maybe you can get a part of the deal too," Linda bravely shouted.
"Yeah, I get so sick every time I run," added Julie. I shoved the Evils of the Mile in Ms. Bush's face. She read over it and gasped. Her face looked like a pinched monkey's face.
"You have two choices. You can give me your parents' numbers and quit this campaign thing or go to the principal's."
"Oh…tough choice," I smirked. I was doing well, wasn't I? "My mom happens to be a strong supporter of this campaign."
"Really…last time I checked she seemed to be fond of physical education."
I must have seemed to hesitate because Linda talked for me. "Women can change their minds," she replied. Ms. Bush narrowed her eyes with her hand on her hip. We all burst out laughing again. Then we looked at the clock and realized that the bell could ring in any second. I gave her Ms. Lisette's number and left.

Chapter 5:
Two months later so much had happened. Well, the campaign went on normally, with lots of protests that got us nowhere, but Linda and I had become best friends. She had given me the BFF necklace, which at our school was a symbol of best friends. I also got a Myspace and got tons of support for my campaign. So you may not think that's a lot, but it really is, because that was the time when I gained my confidence so that I could do much better with the campaign.

Chapter 6:
It happened. It happened! It happened. Can you believe it? My parents found out that I was campaigning and forbade me to type on the computer. Ha--like that would keep the newspaper from going out? Handwriting was fine with the school. My mom would scream at me every day, but you want to know something weird? I didn't care at all. I would just sit through the screams and nod. Then, at school the next day, I would continue campaigning. So that's not what really happened.
The most athletic and popular girl in school, Alicia, signed the petition, which made the petition complete--meaning that everyone in the school had signed it. That's part of what happened…but not what really happened. Again.
On a nice, bright, sunny day (it actually was pouring down rain but what does that matter? We were inside!) Linda and I held a party during free period. We hung huge banners that said "Petition Complete!! Join the celebration!" There was lots of laughter, cake, party hats, and confetti everywhere. Suddenly a big, booming monster entered the doorway. Everyone shrieked and cried for their parents! Just kidding. Here's what really happened: A sweet but professional teacher entered the room, and we all fell silent.
"What are you partying about? Oh…petition complete join the celebration," she read slowly, and then she said rather rapidly, "What are you petitioning about?" I was a little scared, but when Marci, who was a teacher's pet, spoke up, we were all settled.
"We are petitioning so we can make our school better, Ms. Frances. Running the mile makes some of the students unhappy, so we would like to find other ways to pursue athletic interest." Marci had got it. She just knew how to speak with wonderful vocabulary, which was one of the reasons that teachers liked her.
"You have to run the mile? Forgive me, I'm the eighth grade English teacher, so I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to P.E. Did you know I failed it?"

Epilogue:
You get the idea of it now. Of how it happened. Of how we won the campaign! Some campaign it was. Now you know the major event that happened to me before I went to college. And well, that's about it!
No, one more thing. I can tell and retell the many stories of the campaign. Especially to my clarinet teacher. We call the stories Throw Up Stories.

Author's note: In Meg's school, kids who were fine with running the mile still ran it, and no one had a problem with it.

A Little Spec that is Still Here

Sometimes I think my life is just my life
Not anything important
It doesn't matter if I fail a test
Do something bad
Betray a friend
Lose a race
It doesn't matter who I am
What I do
It's not worth caring about

Sometimes it's relieving
That whatever happens doesn't matter
That the world will end soon enough

Sometimes it's scary
Tht I'm living
And trying to live
For no reason
My life is just a spec
In this gigantic universe

Sometimes the thought is just there
There to think on
Or ignore

But most of all I just know
That I have to live
No matter what my life is
I'm here